Growing up we didn’t have a choice of men and women we were around. When we were at family gatherings or neighborhood block parties, we could count on Max, Mary, Will, Audrey and Mom and Dad to be there. We observed them, interacted with them and loved or tolerated them. Above all we learned from them. That’s not meant to say they “taught” anything. We simply watched and drew our own conclusions. Some of which were very wrong! That’s the problem! We seldom have all the facts before we draw our final conclusion.

My Dad came to the United States through Ellis Island. As a young Italian immigrant he spoke no English  and was thrust into a culture of confusion in the melting pot known as New York City. He was teased,  prodded and pushed around. Anger began to build. As the family made their way to south Philadelphia, he  learned to fight to claim his two square feet of individual turf. Street fighting developed into a skill that he  later used as a boxer to earn extra money for his family and still later for the U.S. Army team in  Hawaii…then Pearl Harbor was attacked and fear got mixed in with anger.

Dad found himself flying  ”propaganda” missions in the middle of the night through eastern Europe. He was  a waist gunner and in the long silent runs, he would try to push the fear away but when he did, the anger grew stronger. The world was at war; fathers killing brothers, killing sons, killing fathers. Hating another without ever knowing him. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

They told him after twenty-five missions he would go home. The enemy became bolder. They told him after thirty-five missions, he would return to the States. The fighting grew worse. They told him after fifty missions, he would see his wife again. The war raged on. They told him….he snapped! No! His mind and spirit fueled with vicious anger…NO!  He had flown forty-seven missions! He would not fly again!

He was put in psychiatric care, the war ended less than a year later and he was ultimately given a medical discharge. He was free to begin his life anew and so he married and had a son. Life seemed to be getting better as he began trade school with the help of the GI Bill…but I was a sick child, a very sick child and for the next eight years of my Dad’s life, he had to live under continuous pressure of mounting medical bills and the constant tension of whether his son was going to live or die. His anger grew deeper.

I loved my Dad and as I watched him through my “growing up” years, I saw many good things through him. He loved my mother and he was hardworking, considerate and honest. He’d go out of his way to help someone. Doing the “right” thing mattered to him. He kept himself in good physical shape and it was important for him to look “presentable” …whatever that is!

My Dad had one serious flaw…he lost his temper quickly. His eyes would grow coal black, his voice would deepen and he would move aggressively toward the object of his wrath… that was usually me! Although I was fearful of him when he entered this state, I secretly admired this demonstration of personal power. It seemed like he feared nothing! The anger seemed to empower him making him invincible and manly! I wanted to be like him!

I was not the brave sort. Being small, I knew instinctively I would lose any physical altercation I engaged in. I was afraid and I didn’t want anyone to know and that’s how I started to act like Dad. Anger was the perfect “cover” for my fear. I would just glare, curse or raise my voice and step toward my adversary. It was the perfect “bluff” and thankfully no one ever “called” me on it. All I had wanted to do was be like my Dad but I adopted the wrong character traits.

Often we unwittingly imitate the unhealthy part of someone we love in some twisted attempt to be like them. That neither honors them nor ourselves. My Dad had hurtful experiences and perhaps good reasons to be angry…but I didn’t. I was simply modeling what I thought was manly. It took me years to understand and rid myself of the fear and anger.

Man is a copy of GOD and when we copy a copy, we get a distorted product. If we want to be manly, perhaps we need to go back to the original image…the image of GOD. Let’s imitate His love and His tenderness. Let’s model His strength and His wisdom. We can learn from our earthly fathers but let’s copy our Creator.

I’ve always had a desire to learn and the course said I would discover what my Dad could never teach me. Now there are two reasons my Dad couldn’t teach me things. One was that he just didn’t know.  My Pop was smart but he was human and that means his knowledge was limited. The other reason …the main reason…why my Dad couldn’t teach me was that I wouldn’t listen!

 No, instead of listening to my Dad, I had important things to do. I had to watch  TV!  I am a Baby Boomer; a post World War II product and I came along about  the same time as another peace-time product…television!  Yes, Media and I  grew up  together. We spent so much time together, people thought we were  twins.

I never really knew what impact my evil twin had on me until recently. In the  course I’m taking (Fathered by GOD) I came to the realization that I had    ingested not hours or weeks or even months….but YEARS of everything Media  told me!

Now as time passed, Media  and I have both changed a bit in appearance. I  got  rid of that pesky hair  flowing out of the top of my head and I got much,  much  better looking. Media,  not only slimmed down, changing from a big bulky looking box into a sleek  and stylish piece of art but he’s gotten much quicker with age.

Although we have been together for over six decades and I still have a fondness for his dramatic side, I had to say goodbye. Media has a problem and I can’t continue to make his problem my problem any longer. Media steals! I’ve made excuses for him in the past. I told people he was educational; that he was expanding my horizons, giving me a glimpse into the realities of life but the truth is: Media is a thief! He has stolen years of my life and cost me millions of moments and countless conversations with friends and family. He’s taken enough!

No more wasting time for me! Now that I’m finally free I can spend some quality time with my new friend Ivan Paduvachek. He’s quite brilliant. I’m sure you’re going to be hearing more about him….his friends call him IPad.

Last Thursday I began a ten week course for men based on a book by John Eldredge entitled “Fathered by God.” I was only about half way through the orientation video when a thought hit me.

 This course seems to be designed to open men up to the different stages we pass  through in life and the feelings and wounds that may occur at each junction. I  tried to resist some of the emotional things John addressed, like men need to  know  they are the apple of their father’s eye. The one thing men fear is not  measuring  up; not being man enough. Men require a cause; a noble adventure    and if  women want to capture the heart of their man, they must embrace that  adventure for that is what brings closeness of spirit.

I felt myself nodding in agreement as I begrudgingly admitted that this guy  knew what he was talking about. I found myself wishing Lucy could hear this.

Women always want to know how “we” feel and sometimes it’s hard to tell them. Here was a guy who knew and could verbalize it for all of us! They need to teach this stuff in a women’s class!

When a crisis hits the family, a man thinks he has to handle it and he has to handle it alone. It’s his job! The truth is we’re not capable of handling everything. Governments can be independent but people are meant to be interdependent! Men need women and….we need other men. Sometimes that feels so uncomfortable!

Women often want us to talk, to communicate, to open up. This class is a natural bridge to talk about the important issues of life….each other.